


holding it together

by fagsymbiote



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Hopeful Ending, M/M, basically just exploring whizzer's relationships w these three, especially him and jason, that good parentish relationship whizzer has to jason is the main thing here, typical act one angst and early act two hopefulness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 16:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16453709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fagsymbiote/pseuds/fagsymbiote
Summary: Whizzer really never was one for kids. At least, not until Jason. Through all the chaos and the shit that happened once he got involved in the lives of Marvin's family, Jason was maybe one of the best things to happen to him.Or: Whizzer is Jason's best friend, whether or not he's dating Jason's dad.





	holding it together

**Author's Note:**

> their whole deal is one of my favorite parts of this musical and it deserves,,so much love so over 4k words later and here we are!

Whizzer had to bite back a smile at the look on Jason’s face when he realized he was picking him up from school instead of Marvin or Trina. The passenger side door swung open--Marvin and Trina always made Jason sit in the backseat--and Jason clambered in.

 

“Whizzer!” he shouted, smiling from ear to ear.

 

“Hey kid,” Whizzer said fondly, moving a hand to ruffle Jason’s hair before pulling out of the pickup line. “You dad's still at work, and your mom’s with some friends, so she asked me to come get you.”

 

“Can we get ice cream?” Jason asked, and Whizzer saw his eyes widen.

 

“Only if you keep it a secret,” Whizzer agreed, already en route to the ice cream shop they always went to when he picked up Jason.

 

Jason nodded emphatically, moving a finger to his lips as an agreement to keep quiet.

 

Whizzer smiled, shaking his head.

 

He’d never been great with kids, but Jason had always adored him. He met the whole family at temple when he’d still been on speaking terms with his own parents, and they’d always made him feel a part of their family.

 

He’d come to see them as his family in a way, not that he’d admit it, and Jason especially.

 

Maybe he'd admit that part. Jason deserved to know he was cared about.

 

He looked over and smiled at Jason again, watching him all but bouncing in his seat with excitement. “Jason?”

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Did you know you're my favorite kid in the world?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

 

Jason beamed, shaking his head. “You're my favorite adult,” he said, not missing a beat.

 

Whizzer ignored the warmth he felt in his chest and nodded. “Glad to hear it.”

 

\--

 

“Whizzer, why are you avoiding him?” Trina asked, pleading. “He's always asking me where you are and when you're going to come over and I--how do I tell him that you’re just not coming over when he’s home from school? Jason misses you, Whizzer.”

 

_Because I’m sleeping with your husband and I can't stop feeling guilty because I’m ruining your marriage and ruining Jason’s life._

 

He shrugged. “It’s not on purpose, Trina. I just--I have a lot going on. I’m only ever free when he's at school.”

 

Trina shook her head. “I think you should leave,” she said, voice shaking.

 

“Wait, what--why?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

“I just told you my son misses you, and it's making him miserable, and you don't care! So please, leave,” she said, rising from her chair, shoulders stiff.

 

“I--I’ll come over this weekend, okay? I had a date but I can cancel it. He's boring anyways,” Whizzer said quickly. “I want to see Jason. I miss him too.”

 

She nodded. “Okay, that’s--thank you,” she said, and sat back down. “He’ll be so excited to see you.”

 

She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried not to think about how much she’d hate him if she knew, how much they’d both hate him.

 

\--

 

Jason had been excited to see him, so excited that it took him almost an hour to ask why Whizzer hadn't been around in weeks.

 

“I’ve just been--a lot of times, I’m very busy in the afternoons when you're home. It's what sucks about being an adult, I don't get to hang out with you as much,” he explained, trying a smile.

 

Jason squinted. “Your face looks different when you're not telling the truth,” he said.

 

Whizzer blinked. Jason was always too smart for his own good. “Not lying, just very tired. You wore my head out with all the chess,” he teased.

 

Jason grinned. “You’re really bad at it.”

 

“Oh trust me kid, I know,” he said, shaking his head. “I've never won a game of it.”

 

“Never?” Jason asked, eyes wide.

 

“Not a single one. Not just against you either. I deserve to win an award for worst chess player,” he said, matter-of-fact.

 

“Yeah, probably,” Jason agreed. “Want me to show you how to do better?”

 

“Well sure, if you think you're up to it,” he teased.

 

Jason squinted. “When I’m done with you, you'll be almost as good as me.”

 

Whizzer threw his head back, laughing. “Oh yeah?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

\--

 

“What do you want?” Trina asked as she opened the door, arms folded across her chest. “What more could you possibly want?”

 

“You can't keep Marvin’s son away from him,” Whizzer said, dragging a hand through his hair. “It’s--he needs to be able to see his dad.”

 

Trina scoffed. “Oh, does he? He should have considered Jason when he was having an affair in our _home_ ,” she spat. “Did you ever stop to think about what would have happened if it was Jason who found you two instead of me? How would you have explained that? It would have crushed him, Whizzer. He’s already devastated that Marvin left, and he's devastated that you're the reason why! He--he adores you, Whizzer. I trusted you, I trusted both of you, and you threw it in my face and you hurt my son. I don't want either of you seeing Jason.”

 

He picked at his sleeves, trying to shove down the ache in his chest. “And what does Jason want?”

 

She squinted at him. “What?”

 

“What does _Jason_ want? Have you even asked? If he doesn't want to see me, that's fine. If he doesn't what to see Marvin, I can make sure Marvin’s okay. I can't do anything for Jason right now since I can't _speak to him_ , and honestly? I’m not so sure you can either. You’re hurt, and I understand that, and I am so sorry I did this to you, but you can't take it out on Jason. Let _him_ decide if Marvin and I are good for him right now,” he said, every ounce of his self control being used to keep his voice even. He hid his shaking hands in his pockets. “I didn't come here planning to criticize your parenting, but Jason matters to me more than your opinion of me does. Let him make his own decisions sometimes.”

 

“Get away from my house,” she said, stepping back from the doorway, voice dripping with exhaustion. “Just--just leave, Whizzer.”

 

“Not until you tell me you'll let Jason decide for himself,” Whizzer said, shaking his head.

 

She sighed. “Fine. Fine, okay? I’ll let him decide.”

 

He exhaled heavily, shoulders sagging. “Thank you, Trina. And I--I _am_ sorry.”

 

And then he left.

 

\--

 

He picked Jason up from school three days later. Trina said he’d wanted to see him. That was all she told him before she hung up the phone.

 

Jason barely acknowledged Whizzer when he opened the passenger side door.

 

“Hey kid,” Whizzer tried, offering Jason a smile.

 

Jason waved, never looking at Whizzer.

 

Whizzer sighed. “Ice cream?”

 

Jason shrugged. “Sure.”

 

Jason was still in his seat, more still than Whizzer had ever seen him. The drive was quiet. Whizzer didn’t unlock the doors when they pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop.

 

“Jason?”

 

“Yes?” Jason asked, folding his arms across his chest.

 

God, he really was Trina’s son sometimes.

 

“You're still my favorite kid,” he said, sincere. “I--I’m sorry about all of this. You shouldn't have to be caught in the middle of it.”

 

“Are you and my dad dating?” Jason asked, finally looking at Whizzer. “My mom said you're living together, and she said that my dad likes boys like you do.”

 

Whizzer cleared his throat. “We--yeah, Jason. We’re dating.”

 

Jason nodded. “Do you love my dad?”

 

Whizzer’s eyes widened. “I--I haven’t really--haven’t really thought about it. I--I might.”

 

“Does he love you?” Jason asked.

 

Whizzer paused. “I’m not sure, Jason. Maybe.”

 

“You don't know very much,” Jason said,  slouching.

 

“I guess not,” Whizzer agreed. “I know he loves you though. He’s excited to see you today.”

 

“I thought you were taking me home,” Jason said, squinting.

 

“I am. Your--your dad’s going to come over for dinner though. He misses you.”

 

“They're going to fight,” Jason said, looking over at Whizzer.

 

“Probably,” Whizzer agreed. “How about you sit with me, and we can talk to each other when they're fighting so we don't have to pick a side?”

 

Jason nodded, holding out a hand for Whizzer to shake. Everything was going to shit, but maybe something could stay intact. He took Jason’s hand and gave it an exaggerated shake, priding himself on the small smile it got.

 

It was a start.

 

\--

 

“Whizzer,” Trina said into the receiver, followed by a deep sigh, “we need you over here.”

 

Whizzer blinked, eyebrows furrowing. “Why?”

 

“Jason, he--he wants to talk to you. Just come over, alright?” she said, and he could practically hear her dragging her hand across her face.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” he said. “You know I’ll come anytime Jason needs me, right?”

 

He heard her sigh, and then the line clicked. He put the phone back on the receiver and slipped his shoes back on, grabbing his keys and walking out. He’d been about to start on dinner, but Jason was more important than Marvin’s dinner.

 

He drove to Trina’s house just too fast to be responsible, just in case something was wrong, and was stepping out of his car almost as soon as he’d parked it. He jogged up the front walkway and knocked on the door, tapping his foot impatiently.

 

Trina opened the door, visibly upset about something. Her jaw was clenched, her arms were crossed, and she was tapping her finger on her arm at a rapid speed. “Whizzer, please come talk some sense into Jason.”

 

And then she’d turned, walking in the direction of the kitchen, leaving Whizzer standing in the doorway alone. He stood frozen for a moment, trying to make sense of that. He gave up rather quickly and followed her to the kitchen, resisting the urge to laugh at the scene in from of him.

 

Trina looked ready to scream, Marvin looked as annoyed as he always seemed to now, and Jason looked beyond pleased with himself. It couldn’t be anything too serious then. He waved at everyone, smile on his face, and tried not to lean into Marvin when Marvin grabbed his shoulder.

 

Not the time for that.

  
  
He kneeled down in front of Jason, listening intently as Jason spoke.

 

“Whizzer, do you think I should see a psychiatrist?” Jason asked, looking Whizzer in the eyes.

 

Whizzer laughed. Of all the things Jason could have said, that was not one he’d been expecting. He was right then. Nothing serious. “I-I’m not sure, Jason.” Marvin flicked the back of his head, and his jaw clenched. He turned to glare at Marvin, took a deep breath, and faced Jason again. “Maybe so.” Behind Jason, he saw Trina nod emphatically, and allowed himself a moment of internal debate. “A-absolutely, Jason.”

 

He hated that he still wanted her to like him, he really did.

 

Jason looked suspiciously between his parents, rolled his eyes, then looked back to Whizzer. “Okay, I’ll go.”

  
  
Maybe seeing a psychiatrist could be best for Jason. He’d have someone to talk to about his parents at least. Whizzer wondered if he should see a psychiatrist too sometimes.

 

\--

 

He and Marvin were done. Really, really done this time. Whizzer couldn’t do it anymore, no matter how much he loved Marvin.

 

And he did love him. _God_ , he loved Marvin more than he thought he _could_ love another man, and he hated himself for it. He hated that he fell in love with a bitter man who always wanted more than he could give.

 

He hated that he wished he hadn’t left, even if it was best for the both of them. He hated that the passion they’d valued so much was what killed them.

 

He hated that after all they went through to be together--sneaking around, Marvin’s divorce, Trina looking at Whizzer as a stain in her life rather than the friend she used to see in him, putting Jason through all of it--they couldn’t even hold it together.

 

He wondered if Jason would be disappointed in him. He should have been.

 

\--

 

Jason called him the next day. Whizzer hated that he and Marvin fought so much that Jason knew exactly where to call when Whizzer left.

 

“Whizzer?” he said, voice thick.

 

“Jason buddy, what’s wrong?” Whizzer asked, panicked.

 

“Did you and my dad break up?” he asked, and Whizzer felt himself sag.

 

He sighed heavily. “Yeah Jason. Yeah, we did.”

 

“He was--he was really angry. Mom sent him an invitation to her wedding--she’s marrying Mendel--and he came over and he was just--it was bad, Whizzer,” he told him, and Whizzer knew Jason was scrunching his face up, trying not to sound too emotional.

 

Whizzer took a moment to steady himself, trying not to dwell on how bad Marvin must have been to warrant this kind of call. “I’m so sorry kiddo. He--is he better now?”

  
“I don’t know,” Jason admitted. “He left after--he hit my mom Whizzer. They all talked for a long time after. Mom cried a lot. Then he talked to me. He tried to--tried to make me feel better. Then he left.”

  
  
Whizzer was perfectly frozen, breath caught in his throat. “If--if you want to get away from them for a while, you can come over, okay? I can convince your mom. She might listen to me again now since your dad and me broke up.”

  
  
“You still want to be my friend?” Jason asked, and Whizzer felt his heart shatter. “Not just because of my dad?”

  
  
“Jason, of course,” Whizzer rushed out. “I told you, you’re my favorite kid. I wasn’t lying when I told you that.”

 

Jason sniffled. “You’ll talk to my mom?”

  
  
“Yeah, Jason. I’ll talk to her.”

  
  
Jason thanked him, and Whizzer thought maybe he could hold it together until the end of the call. They said their goodbyes, and there was a moment of silence, but neither of them moved to hang up.

  
  
“Whizzer?” Jason said, hesitant.

 

“Yeah?”

  
  
“Love you,” he said, and Whizzer could hear his nervousness.

 

“I love you too, kid,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

 

Then the line clicked. Whizzer put the phone back on the receiver and stumbled to the couch, all but collapsing onto it and finally allowing himself to cry. He could call Trina later.

 

\--

 

It took four phone calls and a month before Trina finally told him he could have Jason over, but she did once he’d found an apartment of his own. Without Marvin’s help or influence, he’d gotten her to agree to let him have Jason over, let Jason stay overnight even.

 

It was something. It could be a start.

 

He picked Jason up from school that Friday, and Jason looked almost excited to see him. “Mom said I can stay the night,” he said as he got into the car, smiling.

 

“Told you I could convince her,” Whizzer said, smug.

 

Jason just nodded, leaning forward to turn on the radio. He quietly sang along, bobbing his head to the music, and Whizzer didn’t bother trying not to smile.

 

By the time Whizzer pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop, they were both loudly singing, Jason dancing in his seat, laughing at how off key they both were.

 

It was good. Seeing Jason was always good. Whizzer reached over and ruffled Jason’s hair.

 

“C’mon, you can get as many toppings as you want, because I’m way cooler than your mom.”

 

Jason snorted and rolled his eyes, but didn't object as he got out of the car.

 

The ice cream was delicious as always, and Jason fully took advantage of Whizzer allowing him to pick all the toppings he wanted. It would almost be nice if Whizzer wasn’t quite so worried about Jason.

 

He kept it together until they got back to his apartment. Until after dinner, actually.

 

Probably the best thing that Whizzer got out of his relationship with Marvin, besides this kid that he adored, was that he knew how to cook himself dinner now. It was a useful thing to be able to do, and saved him a lot of money that he used to spend on restaurants.

 

He made fried chicken, something just greasy enough and just unhealthy enough that he knew Trina wouldn’t make it for Jason. Jason played against himself in a game of chess while Whizzer cooked, something Whizzer had never quite understood. He’d never say something about it to Jason though. It was harmless, if just a bit out of the ordinary.

 

After a dinner Jason had told him was delicious, he finally had to say something.

 

“That day you called me,” he said, on the couch next to Jason, squeezing the pillow in his lap so his anxiety wouldn’t show through onto his face, “what happened the night before? I--you said he--he hit your mom.”

  
  
Jason nodded, eyes fixed to a spot on the floor. “He was mad that mom’s marrying Mendel. He yelled a lot, and he slapped her. They--they talked, and I guess they figured it out or something. It was bad though.”

  
  
Whizzer sagged, nodded, squeezed his eyes shut. He could’ve calmed Marvin down if he hadn’t left. “I’m sorry, Jason. Kids shouldn’t have to see their dads like that.”

  
  
Jason shrugged. “He’s been nicer since then. I think he feels bad.”

  
  
“He _should_ feel bad,” Whizzer said. “How are you doing?”

  
  
“It’s weird,” Jason confessed. “He’s being really nice to me. He’s being nicer to mom too, I think.”  


Whizzer nodded. “That’s good. I’m glad they’re getting along.”

  
  
Whizzer was pretty sure he knew why that was. He’d been the elephant in the room every time Marvin and Trina interacted, and now he was gone. Of course that would open the door to civility.

 

Whizzer turned on the TV after that, trying his damndest not to think about Marvin. It felt impossible with Jason there, absolutely radiating all of Marvin’s best qualities. It was overwhelming.

 

Marvin wasn’t there though. Jason was, and he _wanted_ to be around Whizzer, and he didn’t expect anything from Whizzer other than that he be himself. He settled into the couch, smiling when Jason snuggled into his side. Marvin had no right to force himself into Whizzer’s thoughts anymore.

 

\--

 

Dropping Jason back off at Trina’s was almost painfully awkward. He could see there was pity for him in her face, and he tried to ignore the sympathy he felt for her. He missed her friendship, but he didn’t want them to start bonding again over the fact that Marvin had fucked them both over.

 

So he was cordial. He thanked her for letting him have Jason over, turned down her offer to stay for lunch, nodded when she said she’d call him, and he left.

 

She did call him, that night actually, and told him she wouldn’t mind if Jason stayed with him from time to time. She told him Jason had been happier when he’d come back from Whizzer’s than she’d seen him in a long time, and that even if she didn’t like Whizzer much more than she did when he and Marvin were together, she wanted to see her son that happy more often.

 

So Jason did come over sometimes, though less often once Marvin and Trina worked out a regular schedule for Jason to go to Marvin’s. They always got ice cream, and Whizzer always cooked dinner.

 

Whizzer actually became almost decent at chess eventually. He wasn’t spectacular by any means, but he’d actually managed to beat Jason once or twice.

 

Nights Whizzer didn’t have Jason, he went on dates, he went out with friends, he even had a boyfriend for a few months at once point. He still resented and loved Marvin in almost equal measures, no matter how much time had passed.

 

It was manageable though. It hardly affected him anymore if he didn’t focus on it too much.

 

He had Jason, he had his fun, he was almost happy.

 

That was why, two years after he and Marvin broke up, Whizzer told Jason he’d think about it when Jason invited him to one of his baseball games. It wasn't the first time Jason had asked, and it wouldn't be the last.

 

Whizzer had always said no, though. He knew Marvin would be there, and he wasn't ready to face him.

 

But two years had passed, and it would be impossible to avoid Marvin forever. So he said he'd think about it.

 

And he did think about it. He thought about it for _days_. In fact, he hadn't fully made his decision until he was already on his way to the game, nearly twenty minutes after it started.

 

He would go. He would support Jason, he’d make small talk, and he'd leave. That was it.

 

And then it wasn't.

 

Marvin, always so goddamn charming, talked him into a date when he was still riding the high of Jason taking his advice and getting his team on the scoreboard. He’d given Marvin his phone number and everything.

 

He was an idiot.

 

\--

 

Two weeks, three dates, and several fucks later, Whizzer was feeling guilty again. He and Marvin were settling into some semblance of a routine again, terrifyingly similar to the way they were in the beginning the last time they'd dated. He felt like he was waiting for something to give, for one of them to snap and start yelling about something stupid.

 

God, he forgot how much he loved Marvin though.

 

The secrecy was killing him a little bit. On that first date, they'd decided not to tell Marvin’s family until they knew whether it was going to stick this time. Whizzer wondered what the fuck Marvin was waiting for, because Whizzer was stuck. It had been too easy to fall in love with Marvin all over again, and he wasn't leaving unless things got worse than they'd been before.

 

But Marvin wasn't ready, or if he was, he wasn't telling Whizzer.

 

It made it hell to get ready for Jason coming over. Marvin had a toothbrush and a drawer of clothes at Whizzer's already, and Whizzer had to make sure that they, along with any other evidence that Marvin had been there, were carefully hidden.

 

The third time Jason came over, Whizzer had reached a bit of a breaking point. He stomped over to his phone, one of Marvin’s shirts balled up in his hand, and pulled the phone off the hook, dialing the number he'd already memorized like a lovesick idiot.

 

It rang twice before Marvin picked up.

 

“I need to tell Jason about this,” Whizzer said as soon as he heard the line click, tapping his foot.

 

“I, uh--Whizzer?”

 

“Yes, Marvin. Who else?”

 

“What, uh, bought this on?” Marvin asked, and Whizzer could all but see him leaning against the wall, looking around the room for an explanation.

 

“Look, you know I love Jason, and he--he actually trusts me again. If he finds out I'm keeping things from him--and you know he will, he's a smart kid--then I'm gonna be right back to where I was right after we broke up,” Whizzer said, probably sounding every bit the brat Marvin used to accuse him of being. “Plus, you said you just wanted to keep this a secret until we knew this wasn't going to be nothing, and I--it isn't nothing to me, Marvin, and I don't think it is for you either. Jason deserves to know, doesn't he?”

 

Whizzer felt like he was choking a bit on the words. It was maybe the most honest he'd ever been with Marvin. Funny, that. He'd known Marvin for years, _loved_ him for years, and never once talked with him about his feelings.

 

“I--Jesus, Whizzer. Of course it isn't nothing for me. Do you want me to be there?” Marvin asked, clearly surprised Whizzer was taking this as seriously as he was.

 

“Later. I'll call you. I want to tell him, if it's alright.”

 

“Um, yeah,” Marvin said, caught off guard. “Yeah, that's alright. Just let me know.”

 

“Thank you, Marvin,” Whizzer said, trying to sound sincere. He was, he really was, but he was incapable of sounding like it half the time.

 

“Of course. I'll see you tonight?”

 

“Yeah, Marvin. See you tonight.”

 

He hung up the phone, so fucking relieved that it had gone well that he forgot to be nervous about actually telling Jason until it was time to leave to pick him up from school.

 

Maybe he gripped the steering wheel more tightly than usual, and maybe he had to give himself some stupid pep talk while he was in the pickup line at Jason's school, but Jason didn't have to know that.

 

Jason was smiling when he got in the car, and they got ice cream like always.

 

Whizzer was almost shaking by the time they got to his apartment. He wondered if Jason could tell. He wondered what the fuck was wrong with him, because he _did not_ get nervous.

 

They sat on the couch together, and Jason rambled about his day, about everything that had happened since he last saw Whizzer. Whizzer laughed in the right spots, looked sympathetic when he was supposed to, and tried to shove his nerves down.

 

When Jason was done, Whizzer cleared his throat. “Jason, I need to talk to you about something.” Then Jason looked nervous too. He fucked up saying it like that. “It's nothing bad! I mean, I hope it's not.”

 

“What is it?” Jason asked. He still looked worried.

 

“Your dad and I,” Whizzer started, considering every word before he said it, “we're dating again, I think.”

 

Jason squinted at Whizzer, crossing his arms. “You think.”

 

“We _are_ , we are dating again. Definitely. We've gone on a few dates and he's been coming over to see me and we just--we wanted to wait to tell you until we knew it would be good this time,” Whizzer said. “We're definitely dating.”

 

Jason nodded. “Is it good this time?”

 

Whizzer took a second to think, really _think_ before he answered. He didn't want to lie right now. “I think so, Jason. It feels like it. We've been doing really good. We went on a date a few days after that baseball game I went to.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

And Whizzer was thrown back to two years earlier, when Jason had asked him that same question, when none of them knew what they were doing and the ink hadn't even dried on Marvin’s divorce papers.

 

He didn't hesitate this time. “Yeah, Jason. I really do.”

 

“He loves you too?” Jason asked. 

 

“I think so. He hasn't said it yet but--but yeah, he does.”

 

He meant it too. He did know Marvin loved him, even if he hadn't said it yet. Things really were different this time, weren't they? 

**Author's Note:**

> i let them have a good ending because i'm not strong enough to write whizzer's death a third time


End file.
